Misunderstood: The Cristian Alexanda shit storm

I also blog on www.addicted2hiphop.com, where Cristian Alexanda stumbled upon my Ignorant Shit Pt 1 articled that takes a few jabs at him.

He left a somewhat hilarious comment (holy shit), so I posted up a reply, to which he has left another comment. I answered back, somewhat softly, most likely cause I felt like he really thought I was hating on him and trying to bring him down. Nah, It's not that serious, just clowning him. That said, the exchange was pretty funny, so read through Ignorant Shit Pt 1, and then peep the rest of the story below.

My reply post (includes Cristian's inital response)

This ain’t a diss song, it’s a real song

So apparently Cristian isn’t too happy about a few thing I said recently. He made his feeling somewhat clear with this feedback:

‘FUCK YOU, Funny shit bitch, but FUCK YOU, again and again, If I wasn’t me I’d probably hate on me to, but I am me, so FUCK YOU, I’m only tring to do my best and faggots like you with a bad opinion piss me off, JA ROCKS, before 50, you thought so to, but your just a dick rida with no talent so crawl back in your hole before one of us sees you out and FUCKS YOU UP,THAT GOES TO ALL THE HATERS, GET AT ME‘

Well, at least he found it funny. Real recognize Real.

What concerns me is how he found this post. This isn’t a very popular blog, and we certainly have not been doing much in the way to promote it thus far. Then it hit me:

You were ‘Googling’ yourself, weren’t you Cristian? Oh my. Wanted to know what people were saying about you? Trying to feel out the buzz?

This must have been disapointing.

Click to read

But at least you learned something. You changed your MySpace location to ‘Melbourne/Perth, Australia’ rather than ‘Worldwide, United States’. Glad you cleaned up that awful stain that on your MySpace. Now theres nothing distracting us from the amount of Louis V print that makes you ever so cool and unique.

Looking through your the kind words you shared with our audience, you called me a hater and a dick rider. The same way you can be based ‘worldwide’ and ‘United States’, Cris? I’m starting to see a pattern with you.

I should probably stress at this point, that i’m not a Hater. Whilst I’m not particularly a fan of you’re records, they’re not too bad. Hell, I put you in the top half of Australian rnb Acts! I didn’t actually diss the record with Ja Rule, I just clowned the reasons behind it. The same way when I said I thought the beat was kinda average, that was in no way a shot at Styalz Fuego (I am a fan of his)

I like Ja Rule, I always have. I liked his records before and after 50, and I’m hoping he can make a comeback. (A leaked track of his, Free, is a dope record.) So don’t throw me into that category. However, Jeffrey’s problem is the same one you’ve got Cris. You need to stay in your own lane. You’re not a star Cristian. Not yet. Stop running around worldwide shooting embarrassing video’s with Ja, leaking your own records and trying to convice us you’re a big star, complete with Hummers and all.

Much like Ja Rule trying to get all Gangsta with it post-50, We don’t believe you, you need more people.

All that aside, Ja Rule is washed up and no longer a guaranteed bankable star. Ask the millions of people who haven’t bought his shit lately.
I know you’re only trying to do your best, Cris, and you’ve definitely got some talent. But you do fucking corny shit.

Seriously. That Billie Jean bridge is offensive.

Leaving a comment to the post was your chance to change our perception. Show us your the down to earth guy who can take a joke, not the Melbourne guy who thinks shooting whack videos in da hood makes him a star. Maybe this caught you by surprise, and you didn’t really think through your reply. Telling me ‘I’m talentless and that I should crawl back in my hole before you fuck me up‘ just makes you look like a loser. For future referance, here’s why:

1. Sending threats of Physical violence to people you know nothing about, such as my name, face or even location is silly. You can’t possibly carry through with that, and you know this. That’s something a 14 year old private school dude would say - does that sound familiar?

2 . Talentless? Dude, you have no clue what I do. As far as you know, I’m just some blogger who writes articles on Australian Hip-Hop to clown people and piss em off. It seems I’m particularly skilled at that.

Cristian, you don’t seem like a bad guy. At worst, you’ve got an inflated ego and a chronic case of douchebaggery, and have the unfortunate habit of pasting it all over everything you do, especially your MySpace. That Blog wasn’t an attack on you or your music - I wish you well, honestly. But you do shit that makes us laugh. A lot.

Hopefully this can be put to rest for a while - unless Isreal and Cris release on the same day.

Cristian's comment to this:

a reply, your kidding me, I just skimmed through this one bro, I will say bro, cause obviously you listen to hip hop and r&b and know a little about music, shit, I might even respect you, for real, hate on me cause haters make me and everyone else who gets hated on look like someone thats doing something right and someone else’s is just trying to bring them down, why you tryin to bring me down dogg, I looked at my last shit, tried to improve (gimme that at least), got Ja, got Fab, WHATTUP DJ PAPA SMIRF, waiting on the verse from my new fam Flo-rida for my jam STILL MISUNDERSTOOD, worked with the best Australia had to offer, WHATTUP AUDIOS REVALINO, FUEAGO, ALI, went to the states for a while (thats why it said worldwide which was my managers doing anyway), got some love from Motown, Atlantic, thought I represented Australia well, WHAT THE FUCK MORE DO YOU WANT, you rippen on me cause you can’t afford GUCCI, or LV or even some fake ass Sean John I bet, bring me an artist in this country who even thinks like this, MJ is my NEGRO, I met him in 1986 before he turned completly white and have loved the man ever since, thought he hasn’t been getting much love lately, now you rippen on me again for showing respect, brother you need Jesus, cause your veiws are why the world is where it is now, peace, and stop mentioning mine and Isreals name together all the time, your really making me mad by doing that shit, ha ha ha . . . . . . . you guys make me laugh while being angry but I can’t be fucked being mad at someone who doesn’t even exist

And my final statement:

Hey bro

This is the last time I’m gonna speak about this, because this was never meant to be a ‘Cristian Alexanda’ bashing session. And I’m not hating on you bro, hell, I’ll most likely buy your cd.

Whilst I’m not a huge fan of yours, I still support most things you do, but you gotta admit - that shit on your myspace ‘ Worldwide’ - was mad corny. And I’m confident it’s not your fault, but that video is pretty average.

And i’m a HUGE michael Fan, I just always find it corny when people redo his stuff, even if its outta respect. I can’t stand what akon did ‘Wanna be stanting something.’ Fergie remix of Beat It - HELL NAH!

I’m not ripping on you cause of my financial state - something you know nothing about. But louis IS yesterday’s news. Sean John was never my thing.

In both your replies - there’s a part of you that I like. Like when you admit I was funny, or that shit you said about putting your name alongside Isreal’s LOL. I won’t do that again, I agree with you on that.

And the actual fact you replied - twice - is actually cool. I understand you been pissed - shit, I would be too, but you still replied. I like that.

At the end of the day, You had some good success with your last singles. And they didn’t have any overpriced guest appearances.

What more do I want? I Want more Cristian Alexanda from Melbourne, Less ‘Cristyle’, does that make sense? I hate this phrase, but keep it real - the way you’ve done in your replies. I feel like you (well, presumably your promotion team, but as the artist, you tend to cop it) are too busy trying to sell everyone on ‘Cristian Alexanda’ than sell us on the music. Despite the dismal state of album sales these days, strong records still are the backbone. Fergie’s album is over 3.3 million sold in the US, and just jumped back into the top ten charts. She sold 150, 000 first week, and her audience is young females - the age group that generally download or buy ringtones. So how did she do that? Easy. Good Records. Like 5 top 5 hits I think, multiple no 1. Good songs (thats subjective, sure).

My point here isn’t to diss your music - I think you’re a talented dude with some strong records - but I feel with everything going on, thats been overlooked. Having a artist like Ja Rule - IS a big thing, but it unfortunately overshadows the records.

But what would I know, I’m just a blogger =)

This is done, I feel i’ve already gone too far with it. Cristian, anytime you wanna write a blog, let us know and we’ll post it up here.

Good luck with the new record.

Cristian Alexanda - Urban Nature - In Stores Soon

Ignorant Shit Pt 3

I honestly thought I was done with Ignorant Shit series for a while, but the sheer level of stupid fuckery displayed by these guys has raised the stupidity bar so high (or low?) that no other title fits.

Read this blog post from http://www.myspace.com/nativeryme:



It's gonna be a long night.

First of all, WHO THE FUCK ARE NATIVE RYME? This is the first I've heard of these guys, and I live in Brisbane as well. Shit, I get myself to show after show of average fucking terrible 'underground' aussie rap performances in Queensland, and they've never came up. Damn, these guys aren't getting the props they deserve.

Their music sounds like a below-average attempt at below-average American Rap. The flows okay, but no clever lines, no hot beats. Clearly it was too much effort to try and impersonate someone like Jay, so it sorta sounds like Jimmy Jones records, without the charisma, which is pretty much all Jimmy's got anyway. (Without the 'baaaaalliin' adlibs, We Fly High is garbage.)

Good Start guys. Good Start.

So they wanna throw it down with the Hoodies, eh?
I'm all for battle rapping/competition etc, but these guys want to wage a sales war, in 50 vs Kanye style fashion.

You know why it works for 50 v Kanye? Cuz 50 and Kanye are both established superstars. That's why there is hype created. 50 bets his career - thats a big thing for arguably one of the most successful rappers ever. Who cares if these guys quit - no one's gonna know about it - because no one fucking knows these guys. They're already on the backfoot - their controversy causing strategy has failed to cause any of the afore mentioned controversy, cause no one has even heard of them.

Let's talk sales figures for just a minute here. Hoodies have 3 platinum records, one gold album + a gold dvd. Thats about 280, 000 + records moved through indy hip-hop label obese.

You know what other Australian Hip-Hop artist have gone platinum? NONE. 1200 Techniques had a gold record.

That's two acts who had some sort of impact sales wise. That not enough to infer trends from, to make accurate predictions. Hell, thats two really different styles of music there.

These dudes must be geniuses. I can't fucking predict Australian Hip-Hop sales based on that. I'm fairly sure the Hoodies didn't predict a no 1 album for the Hard Road. Yet Native Ryme have something the rest of us don't. Ignorance. And they've got it by the truck load.

Universal records couldn't make Phrase, Tyree or Ken Hell sell. Sony couldn't push Figgkidd, but these guys - with no deal - can do it.

These guys just make me angry. They're the sorta of weedy bitches that stare down people at a club, but back up if someone stares back. Utterly deluded, just like the ratty looking guys you see around with baggy jeans and a blue bandana hanging out and only like 'real hip-hop' not that 'commercial shit', but have more 50 Cent records on their ipod then you've ever heard of.

To add to this mess, Native Ryme have pledge to donate their profits to the Australian KKK, should they be unable to outsell the hoodies. hahaha.. seriously. These guys think they're actually gonna have a record out, recoup and profit? Thats about as likely as Beyonce/Rihanna/Mya Jupiter walking up to me at a club, grabbing my hand in a club and banging me in the bathroom. Actually, probably more likely. And much like forcing Rhi-Rhi in submission, buying your records back doesn't count, though I'm assuming they don't have several million to spend buying back 300, 000 records. (And the analogy stops there)

They go on to say that the Hoodies can keep their ARIA's, cause Native Ryme have never been about the fame. Good mindset guys, don't set yourself up for disappointment. Hold on - they said they're gonna outsell 5 hoodie albums with 2 of theirs, which would make Native Ryme the first Australian hip-hop act to go multi-platinum. You morons. Either they think that they can sell 140, 000+ records from the comfort of the bedroom, based on the strength of their music alone. Go listen to the myspace now. This isn't happening. Either that, or they think that being underground is cool and legitmate, and that big selling artists are sell outs.

Just so everyone knows, you're favourite underground act would live to have a platinum record. Most underground dudes aren't they're by choice. And they're not better because they're obscure, there are so many whack 'underground' rappers. Which is why no one signs, so they start their own labels and saps like Native Ryme - 'Respect their hustle.'

Holy shit, I just went back to their myspace - Record Label - Native Ryme Entertainment, type Indie. Dead on. I could rant for months about dudes starting their own lables, but I'll save that for later.

I hate these guys. As much as I give shit to IsREAL and Cristopher Alexander, what they're doing just makes me laugh. Native Ryme make me angry.

Ignorant Shit Pt 2

Isreal Myspace

Isreal, (pronounced Is Real, no, seriously) is back with a leaked track featuring FABO. Isreal makes up exactly half of Australia's male RnB Artists, and both of them have singles with Fab.

What the fuck is wrong with these people? Close sources tell me the FAB verse's cost $30, 000 EACH. You're not gonna sell enough extra copies of the albums with a Fab single.. because guess what, Fab doesn't sell in Australia. Well, not hugely, and his singles in the last few years are mildly popular at best. But hey, what do i know.. if Fab can't sell himself here, maybe the uber-popularity obscurity of Cristian Alexanda and IsREAL can.

Fab contributes a hot opening verse to Isreal ('She flip out on you, call her Ms. Sidekick') that sits quite nicely on Isreal best interpretation of a ne-yo sounding beat. Isreal himself finds himself struggling vocally, and I think the hook lacks any memorability. I actually had to replay this track a few times to figure out what part was the hook.

The real ignorant shit here folks, isn't that he copped a fab verse. Nor is it that he photo shopped himself in front of FAB's Bentley. It's not even that the flyer says Album Release September 07, which before the track was actually 'leaked'.

It's not even that the tour flyer on his myspace is offering his German tour to the promoter with the biggest offer. (more on that below)

It's that he didn't stop at a Fab track, he also got a Freeway track, a Rich Boy track, and a Lil Jon track. whilst Lil Jon has some popularity here, Freeway and Rich Boy are about as big here as Swaztikas in Israel (No pun intended).

To put it in perspective: Isreal does his best ne-yo redention, grabs Fab and aims for crossover success.. Then grabs not one, but two c-class rappers, that only appeal to hardcore hip hop heads. This shit is going straight to the bargain bin.

No one gives a shit about who you get. Unless it was ur childhood dream to make songs with rappers that don't sell, there's no point to this. And besides, Australian and New Zealand have an excess supply of Major Label rappers that don't sell. Shit man, finish up the leftovers before you go out for dinner.

FUCK IT - these dudes just don't get it. Isreal and Cristian think that they are competing with only each other. No. They're competing with Chris Brown, Usher and that dude that fucked Kim Kardashian. Why? Because at the record store, on tv, and on itunes.. in the 'urban' section these artists are all together. So when i go pick up a record, I've got Isreal in one hand, Chris Brown in the other.

And none of the abovementioned US dudes have bucket loads of guest appearances. No. Instead they have some quality songwriting and production.. substance. You see where this is going? It's sorta like having huge tits on a fat chick - yeah, theyre big, but the bitch is still a whale.



Maybe isreal's tryna convince us that he's a REAL rnb star, because he got real American rappers, instead of New Zealand rappers (sidebar - Scribe has sold more albums in Australia than Fab, Freeway and Rich Boy combined.). Or maybe he's trying to convince himself.

Perhaps I'm being a little Harsh, after all, Isreal is a big star. He doesn't get booked for shows in Germany, he announces his tour and lets promoters outbid each other for the prize. And he DID record his album in Atlanta, where he had 'a no 1 strip club joint (who tracks that??), so I spose that does make him a bondife rnb superstar. Like Cristian Alexanda.

Heeez A Sick Cunt

Brand New Ken Hell Produced by Styalz Fuego.. Don't you want it coming soon to Itunes and Nino Brown's Blazin 2008!

I quite like the beat on this one... Switches up every four bars much like Busta Rhymes - Touch it.

Heezy keeps it pretty funny on this one, much similar to truck, so don't expect to hear this one in the club either.

"They say you can't bring guns in the club/See me in a (wife) beater, got guns in the club"

Followed by a Khia inspired break down of his muscles ("My pecs/ my lats", etc)

This dude is hilarious. He even ends his shit with 'Fuck, I'ma Sick Cunt"

Heezy, I tip my hat to you.

Ignorant Shit Pt 1

Lets talk about this, shall we =)

Cristian Alexanda one of the best of australia's 3 'active' male rnb singers (him, Isreal and Levi... er, better make that 2 active male rnb singers.

Teams up with Ja Rule for Too Fine.

Cristian Alexanda's Myspace.

But first some interesting observations:

1. His location on myspace is listed as 'Worldwide, United States'. I hate him already. I hate people who list themselve's as worldwide, as if they are some mega superstar who is travelling the globe every day. Fuck off. Jay-z Live is Brooklyn. 50 Cent lives in Connecticut, and Cristyle has the audacity to refer to him self as international. 10 Douchebag points, immediately, to this man.

2. His myspace background is a rip-off of Louis V. I'm know mad that it's ripping of Louis V, whatever on that one.. it's just that, well, Louis is yesterday's news. Like Bathing Ape. Shits. Been. Done. Of course, if he had a true sense of style, he'd pay homage to some luxury brand that isnt fucking namedropped in every rhyme. Cavalli's a good start. And beside's covering your myspace in mock Louis print doesn't mean your baaaalliin like that in real life, are you Christopher?

Now, I don't mind Cristyle - he's definitely an idol-quality singer =) That said, lets talk about this Ja Rule Record.




Well... Let's see very good authority puts the cost of Ja Rule's record appearance at $40, 000. That same source puts jeffrey's video appearance at $30, 000. So we're already 70, 000 in the hole here.

Thats $70K no one's going to see again. ever.

Lets talk the song, shall we? You can listen to it at Cristian Alexanda's Myspace.

Ja Rule's not too bad. The beat is okay, not hot, nor unique, nor incredible, but hey, whatever its okay... overall it's alright, take it or leave i guess

The Video.. ahem.. Well we start in front of a hummer with some Brooklyn buildings in the background, because shooting a video in a sectioned off part of the 'hood' with a hummer makes it a real urban video, doesn't? Makes it authentic, right? An besides, he's worldwide, not based in Sydney. +10 douche points.

Then there's this dance instructor sort of scene, the purpose of which i can only assume is because Cristian said a real rnb video has girls dancing. And Hummers. And he's all about keeping it real.

And somehow he works a Billie Jean bridge in. Asshole.

The rest of the video has a very disinterested Ja Rule, making his appearance to keep everything 'authentic'.

At least it'll sell. Because Ja rule's such a bankable star these days, with huge hits like Body and Uh oh tearing up the charts, surely his star power will return the $100, 000+ investment? Right? Right?

Thanks Cristian, for setting every Australian Artist trying to be 'worldwide' back ten years.

I love the 90's too but...

15 years ago he would have been on the walls of high school girls everywhere. in 2008, he looks like he's the youngest member of an all-male strip show.

Idol finalist Joseph Gauteux has a new song.. with sub-par songwriting, production and featured rap verse. Shame.. he'll spend the next 5 years of life thinking he's 'Gon' make it"
and performing at shopping malls for his pre-pubescent fan base.